Various others including Mark Twain have proposed reforms of English spelling in which words would be spelled as they sound. But writing, for instance, kof instead of cough isn't very appealing because kof doesn't look like an English word. It also does nothing to address spoken language, which is just as important.

I propose instead to reform and condense English by taking the short words that have fallen into disuse and reassigning them to the functions currently performed by long words.

Consider the word fen, meaning a brackish swamp. Outside of place names or Scrabble dictionaries, when was the last time you saw this word used? Thousands of perfectly good, short, easy-to-pronounce words like this are going to waste while we painstakingly write or say common everyday terms like vegetables, comprehensible, acquaintance, or presentation.

The obvious solution is to reassign these useful meanings to shorter words. Consider the following speech by William F. Buckley, on George W. Bush identifying himself as a compassionate conservative. The reformed version is 32% shorter.

Standard English I found it distressing when he did that, because on the principle that you are identifying your own singularity against of that other Republicans, it suggests that among other things his father wasn't compassionate and then of course you ask yourself, what is compassionate? I said in my farewell speech that the Democrats are mostly engaged in having pleasant thoughts, and having had a pleasant thought they want to activate it into a political program. Now, all of us have pleasant thoughts, but the notion that a pleasant thought should immediately become legislation is something that has to be avoided and Mr. Bush, I think, needs to take that precaution when he reiterates, I'm a compassionate conservative, inviting the question, you mean Reagan was not? ... So, it really ends up as being a rhetorical flourish. But I think you're right to press for meaning in it.

Reformed English I found it zek when he did that, foy on the kef that you are bot your own cur fra of that other Gops, it curs that among other things his dad wasn't cox and then sri you ask alb, what is cox? I said in my jag speech that the Lugs are mostly fen in having bot hag, and having had a bot hag they want to keb it into a nix nog. Now, all of us have bot hag, but the uke that a bot hag should wot rex law is ova that has to be fez and Mr. Bush, I think, needs to take that jib when he fops, I'm a cox gad, het the poi, you mean Reagan was not? ... So, it really ends up as being a yak ska. But I think you're right to press for cud in it.

The words used above formerly had only these not very useful definitions: zek: an inmate of a Soviet labor camp. foy: a farewell feast or gift. kef: narcotic smoking material. bot: a fly larva. hag: an ugly woman. cur: an inferior dog. fra: address for a monk or friar. cox: steerer of a ship. sri: address for a Hindu deity or holy man. alb: a priest's robe. jag: a binge of drinking. lug: a handle or projection. fen: a brackish swamp keb: an Egyptian god. nix: to veto. nog: a wooden block; Eggnog. uke: a ukelele. wot: to learn. rex: a king. ova: female reproductive cells (plural). fez: a cap worn by men in the Levant. jib: a triangular sail. fop: a vain man. gad: a chisel for rock. het: made warm or hot. poi: food made of mashed taro root. yak: a large shaggy ox; talk. ska: a style of syncopated calypso music. cud: food regurgitated for further chewing.